Nicol or Redemption
by IsolatedSystem
Summary: Athrun visits the PLANTs to pay his respects. His journey takes him to the graveyard, and to the house of Nicol's mother. But why has Kira insisted on being the one to take him? Will this bring them resolution, or simply more conflict? Optimised for DA


It had been a journey spanning thousands of miles. From Orb to the skies and up, through and beyond the atmosphere, to the final frontier. It had lead him beyond the moon, to the PLANTs, where he had spent - and lost- so much of his childhood. The wreckage of Bloody Valentine was clear to see on the structures, the people, and the travellers.

Much of the journey passed in a tense and uncomfortable silence, and Athrun could not help but question again why Kira had insisted upon coming. 

_i" Kira, I... you don't have to come. This is something I have to do. You're not..."_

_"Athrun..."_

_"Don't you think it'll be awkward?"_

_"That's why I have to come."_

_"Kira..."_

_"I understand if you don't want me to, Athrun, and if you say the words then i'll stay behind, but...i'm asking you to let me take you."_

_"But his parents..."_

_"I promise I won't get in the way. I won't come in with you. I'm just asking that you let me take you where you need to go. I brought you to this place, and...an apology will never be enough. For either of us. So I'll take you, unless you'd rather go alone."_

_"Kira..."/i_

And so, ever close, ever side by side, but rarely talking, Kira had driven Athrun to the space port. He had paid for the tickets. He had driven to the first house, and waited in the car, silently, as Athrun had spoken with the father of the friend he had lost by the hand of the other friend, waiting outside. Nicol. Such was the way with war.

Kira had driven to the memorial and graves of the hundreds, thousands of ZAFT soldiers who had died in the Bloody Valentine wars, and waited as Athrun had sought out the one he had come to pay his respects to. He had been met by two others, formerly of his team and comrades in arms. Again, Kira remained in the car, ignoring the disapproving glare he received from one of Athrun's companions. He hadn't seemed overjoyed at seeing Athrun again, come to that. Perhaps he was an irritable person in general.

When the two had departed, Athrun turned to look at Kira. He caught his eye and beckoned. Kira, uncomfortable, came and stood by him. He found it hard to look at the gravestone; he had never been free of guilt from the moment he had first struck out and taken life, but this was something... more. He would not be so disrespectful as to avert his eyes... except when the time was right, to bow his head.

"Nicol Amalfi" Kira had read out, quietly, "born..."

"Yeah..." 

-  
><em>iThe sun was up, the birds singing; light breeze rustling the leaves in the trees. Another perfect day. The boy at the piano smiled, lifting the lid, and began to play...i_  
>-<p>

They had both left flowers by the grave. An emotional experience, for sure. Try as he might, Kira could not help but shed a tear, though he did his best to hide it, for Athrun's eyes seemed dry. This should be harder on him, after all. Athrun had noticed, despite Kira's best efforts, but merely took it as confirmation of his friend's desire to come had been genuine. He had had reservations about accepting Kira's offer, and consenting to his company on this...mission. Those reservations were gradually disappearing. Kira's grief expressed his guilt, his guilt expressed his regret, regret his care, and... it was hard to harbour blame when confronted with such honest regret. Perhaps, had it been someone else, he might have found it harder to accept but here, and now, he felt the blame he had always pinned on this, the oldest friend he could remember, for the death of a friend he had loved in near equal measure, fading.

"Are you ok?"

"of course" was Kira's reply. Quick, with a hint of stubbornness. The attention on his feelings, here, only made him feel guilty. "Are you?"

Their eyes met for a moment, a look of...something...going between them, before Athrun turned back to the memorial. "Yeah"...

_iThe soft melody drifted amongst the trees, mingling with the song of the birds, of animals, of nature, as the rays of the sun bathed the scene in gold. His eyes, bright, were free to take in his surroundings; the music flowing from his fingers with all the ease of a natural in the art. His mind was free to wander as he pleased.../i_

With a crunch of tires on gravel the car pulled into the drive. The plush, suburban house looked just like any other along this street, but this was their destination. Both sat in silence for a minute or more; Athrun gathering his courage and wits, and Kira suspecting this to be the case, and understanding.

"Well...there's no point coming all this way just to sit in the car" Athrun said, after a while. There was a slight tremor to his voice, of tension, emotion, or both. He all but jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but it helped settle his nerves a little.

"There's no rush, Athrun..."

They sat that way a while longer; Athrun, half way between coming and going, Kira; with his hand on his friend's shoulder. Finally, with a look of determination, Athrun opened the car door, and stepped out. He paused briefly, unsure how to word his question. "You don't mi—"

"Take as long as you need" came the reply, with the customary, empathetic smile.

Athrun's had never been as natural. Conveying feeling with expression was something he had often been told not to do, as a soldier...but he wasn't a soldier, now. Was he? He returned the gesture. "Thanks".

He stopped at the door to the house, took a deep breath, and rang the bell. The seconds passed. His nerves, his anticipation made time seem to slow...and then, through the frosted glass window, he saw movement. The lock clicked, and the door opened. Before him stood Nicol's mother.

"Yes, who...Athrun? Athrun Zala? Is that you?"

"I—Hi, Ms Amalfi" the words caught in his throat at first, but he recovered. He hadn't met Nicol's parents many times but, apparently, had left a lasting impression on Romina Amalfi, his mother, at least. She had always treated him kindly.

"Athrun Zala...it's been so long. What are you...how are you?" she asked. Athrun made to answer, but she cut across him. "Oh! Forgive my manners. Please, don't stand on the doorstep; come in, come in...". Her hands on his arm compelled him to move, though he did so stiffly. Ms. Amalfi stepped out of the house and to one side to allow him access, as was courteous.

"uh...thank you, Ms Amalfi."

"Oh Athrun, you don't have to stand on ceremony here. Romina will do."

"ah—thanks, but...It's what I've been taught. I'm comfortable on ceremony" Athrun replied, and found himself wearing a sheepish grin. Damned social awkwardness...

"Well, suit yourself. There's a lot to be said for courtesy...oh, you have someone with you?"

Athrun stopped sharply, and turned to see Ms. Amalfi looking over to his car, parked in the drive. He could make out Kira's expression from where he stood – he seemed to have frozen, too, the situation quickly becoming tense. "I...yes, my friend was kind enough to drive me here."

"Well, does he not want to come in?"

"He...I..."

"Please, I insist. It's no burden. Any friend of yours is welcome here, Athrun". And before Athrun could reply, Ms. Amalfi had beckoned for Kira to join them. The boys' eyes met; Kira clearly looking for some hint as to what he should do next. Athrun gave the slightest of shrugs i"_Not much choice, really"/i_ and Kira, keen eyes picking up on the gesture, slowly got out of the car. "Carry on inside, Athrun. Make yourself at home."

"...thank you" was all that came to mind by way of a reply, and Athrun stepped over the threshold, lingering in the hallway to allow the others to catch up. Kira must have jogged the short distance between the car and the house, and it could not have been more than a matter of seconds before he was walking through the door, followed by Ms. Amalfi.

"Please, come through" she said, leading them through the first doorway on the right of the hall, and into a large living room, "and make yourselves comfortable". She gestured towards large, high-backed chairs, arranged around a glass table in the centre of the room.

Athrun took a chair, whilst Kira opted for the sofa nearest – and nearest side of the sofa – to Athrun. He looked uneasy, though nowhere near as uncomfortable as Athrun was sure they both felt. He couldn't help but laugh though, in spite of himself, as Kira was nearly swallowed by the sofa. If he hadn't looked flustered before, he certainly did now.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to say. That sofa needs replacing. Ridiculously soft. Can I get either of you anything, Athrun, and...I'm sorry, I don't believe I caught your name" she was looking at Kira, and he seemed to wilt a little under her gaze. His eyes flicked briefly to Athrun, who caught his gaze and, thinking fast, answered for him. There was, after all, no way of knowing how much Ms. Amalfi knew of the circumstances of her son's death. It was unlikely that she'd have known the name of the enemy pilot, but still, better to be safe than sorry.

"This is—" first name that came to mind... "—Alex... Dino". Kira flashed him another look, a hint of disapproval, but it was the best he could do under pressure. Athrun was a little surprised just how difficult Kira – who, of the two of them, was by far the more comfortable in social situations – seemed to be finding this.

"Alex Dino. Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Alex" Ms Amalfi replied, offering a warm smile. "So, can I get either of you anything? Food, or a drink?"

"A glass of water would good, thanks" Athrun replied.

Again, all eyes turned to Kira. "uh—yeah, the same for me please". Well at least he was no longer mute.

"your friend is a shy one" Ms Amalfi smiled, before leaving the room.

"Athrun, I'm really...really not sure I should be here" Kira said, quietly adjusting himself again so as to avoid sinking into the sofa.

"Relax, Kira. There's nothing you can do about it now, anyway."

"But...won't I be in the way?"

There was a hint of a frown on Athrun's brow, but he answered kindly. "Really, don't worry about it."

Kira made a noise to signify his scepticism, but said no more as Ms. Amalfi returned to the room bearing a jug of water and three glasses. Both Athrun and Kira got to their feet to help alleviate the burden. "ah, thank you very much. I'm always overloading myself". Ms Amalfi set the jug down on the table and poured three glasses.

"So..." she continued, taking a seat opposite them, "how have you been, Athrun? And Alex, too, of course!" she smiled, though it seemed a little forced, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to leave you out dear."

"Please, don't worry Ms. Amalfi" Kira replied. He seemed to have recovered much of his composure, and was doing his best to help the situation along. "I'd planned to stay in the car to let the two of you talk more easily."

"That's very good of you, but I couldn't leave you sitting out there alone"

"Well...I've been alright, thanks" Athrun said.

"Keeping busy?"

"reasonably"

"How have you found adapting to life in peacetime? I've...I've heard it's difficult."

Athrun looked away for a second. In truth, he had not been finding it easy...but equally, he didn't want to sound full of self-pity. "Well...it can be difficult, but I've been coping. I've been lucky enough not to have to do it alone."

"Oh? Were you a soldier then, Alex?"

Kira's turn to avert his eyes. He was unsure how to play this; a mixture of truth and untruth. Lying had never been his strong suit. "I...I was, yes".

"Is that how the two of you know each other?"

"We—" Kira began, but Athrun interrupted.

"No, we go back a bit further than that."

"Quite a lot further" Kira continued. He noticed Athrun shuffle in his seat; it was his turn to look awkward. Why? Not the time to deal with that.

"Oh, so you have a history" there was that smile again, "but you fought in the war, yes? With Athrun?" Was there a glimmer of...something...in her eyes?"

"Not...not as a part of the Le Creuset team, no" Kira answered.

"Kira was with a different team" Athrun continued, "though we did see a fair bit of each other, during the war."

"hmm..."

Silence followed. Nobody said anything for several minutes, giving the newcomers time to observe their surroundings. Athrun's eyes fell, almost immediately – and he was surprised at himself for not having spotted it sooner – to a large, oddly-shaped object under what looked to be a dust cloth, at the far end of the room. It could have been a table, but the shape suggested something else. Something familiar. It would wait, though. This was not the reason he had come.

"How have you been coping, Ms. Amalfi? Have the PLANTs begun to settle, with peace?"

"Oh? Well...yes and no" she replied, "I think the majority are glad that the fighting has finally stopped, though you'll still find a great many who resent and blame the earth forces for all that we've lost."

"Hmm...well, I'm sure there are many on earth who feel the same way about the Coordinators." Athrun said, grimly.

"I'm not sure people will ever learn that this kind of blame is exactly what keeps the conflict going".

Athrun looked to Kira to reply; this had always been his field. He always seemed to find resolve and direction; something Athrun envied him for, though they had not always agreed on everything. Still, when it had boiled down to Kira's direction against Athrun's lack of the same, there had only ever been one outcome.

Kira, his eyes glazed over, as though deep in thought, obliged. "We just have to keep hoping that people will learn. All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing; if, by our actions, we can show people the right way...the smallest difference is still a difference, and so worth every effort."

Silence again. Conversation was not coming easily; Athrun was reluctant to come to the real reason for the visit, yet he knew he would have to do so soon. Well, there was no sense in delaying any further.

"Ms. Amalfi, about why I've come..."

"Oh, yes...well I have to admit, I was wondering. I didn't think you lived in the PLANTs anymore."

"No, I don't. We've come from Orb...it's...it's not easy to know what to say, but..."

"It's Nicol's birthday, you know."

And again, Athrun found the words getting stuck in his mouth. Well, perhaps the reasons for his visit weren't that hard to work out, after all. "I did." He said, "that...that iis/i why I've come."

"...of course."

At this, Athrun reached into his coat, locating the papers he had in his pocket, and retrieving them. "I...these didn't make it back, with Nicol's possessions. I...I'm afraid I kept them. I'm really sorry" he handed over the bundle of papers.

Ms. Amalfi slowly reached out, her hands trembling a little, and took the bundle of papers, and proceeded to unfold them. The two boys watched in silence. Finally, once she had straightened out the pages, she let out a small gasp "oh..."

"They... they were in his locker. I found them after he—" again, the words caught. He was vaguely aware of Kira beside him, standing up and leaving the room, but his attention was focussed on the woman before him, and on maintaining his composure. He was not the sort to be reduced to tears often. In the hands of the mother now were a small picture of her lost son, resting atop pages of sheet music. She seemed to be in shock. "I'd have brought them sooner, but...well...with things the way they were...

"...thank you" Ms Amalfi whispered, to which Athrun had no reply. "Thank you for bringing these to me". Athrun looked away briefly, blinking back a tear. He turned back to find Ms Amalfi standing, looking towards the covered object Athrun had noticed earlier. He had guessed what was probably beneath it, but it was confirmed to him now. "...that piano hasn't been touched since it happened. I don't play, and his father was always so busy, and then...well, we decided we'd..."

"I understand"

"I don't suppose...I don't suppose you...can you play?"

This question really did catch him by surprise. It had been his intention, come the end of the war, to try and take up music. Part of a desire to finally do something creative and productive again, but...if he was anything but a soldier, then it was a mechanic. His skills were with technology; machines and moving parts. Perhaps, given time, he could have taken to the piano...but he hadn't had the time, and had always put it off. He wanted to learn, and that had contributed to his delay and reluctance to send back the music, but- "I would so love to hear this played again, one more time."

"...I'm sorry, I-"

"Oh...not to worry" her shoulders slumped, and he could make out the trace of tears beginning to fall. He had to excuse himself as he felt his own begin to brim over. He passed Kira on his way out, but did not meet his friend's questioning eyes.

_iThe melody had slowed, and begun a slow decline into the minor as the sunlight was hidden for the first time behind the clouds. The wind picked up, it began to ruffle the boy's hair. He closed his eyes, and concentrated again. There was still beauty, even in sadness. His fingers stroked the keys delicately, playing through the melancholy fugue, hanging at the cadence, and then beginning again.../i_

Was he imagining the music? He could hear a piano, playing the music from the sheets...Athrun shook his head, but it was still there. It sounded as though it were coming from the room he had just left. Drying his face with a towel – he had tried to calm himself with cold water, as was his habit – he left the bathroom and walked back towards the living room. There was no doubt about it; he had not been imagining the piano. The music grew louder as he approached, though it was still very soft. Slowly, so as not to disturb the player, Athrun opened the door...

The hand on his shoulder did little to steady his nerves. This felt...wrong, it felt surreal, and yet he had not had the heart to turn down her request. He knew, and had tried to explain, that his limited skills could never do the piece justice, but she seemed so desperate just to hear something which vaguely sounded like the music that used to flow through her house so often, before the war...It was as much as he could do to keep track of where he was in the score. To concentrate on hitting the right notes, and not ruining the piece for her. Kira had not been playing for long, but like so many other things, the piano appeared to be something he could pick up quite quickly. Even so, he was not proficient, and as his the piece progressed, and the emotion of the moment began to build, the grief he could feel from the mother standing beside him triggered his own, and his eyes began to well up. He should still have been in the car; this was not the way he had hoped things would pan out.

The music slowed as he neared the end and, once the final chord had left the strings, to resonate around the room, he looked up...Ms. Amalfi was crying, quietly. He himself felt on the edge of dissolving into tears, and in the doorway... "Athrun..."

Athrun, too, bore a look of grief. His, though, was mixed with shock, and something else that was hard to identify; it felt almost...cold. Kira cursed his own weak will. He should have lied; he should never have said he could play.

"Thank you so much, Alex" Ms. Amalfi said, taking a deep breath to steady herself. It was then that Kira broke what he had felt the need to confess from the moment he had sat at the piano stool.

"Ms. Amalfi...my name...my name isn't Alex Dino". The room fell silent. Kira looked from Ms Amalfi, a look of confusion beginning to overshadow the grief that had until then occupied her features, to Athrun, his eyes wide in a warning glare. It was no use; he had to tell her, and Athrun knew.

"My...My name is Kira Yamato"

"Kira..." Athrun hissed, but his warning tone fell on deaf ears.

"Kira...Yamato? but...why did you lie? I invited the two of you into my house; I showed you my courtesy, and you've lied to me?"

"Please, Ms. Amalfi, it's not like that" Athrun stepped in.

"Then please, explain to me, why, Athrun?"

"Because—"

"Because I was the pilot of the Strike. I was the one w-who killed..." Kira broke off for a second, taking a breath, steadying himself as best he could, before continuing. "I was the one who killed Nicol..." He stood, and stepped away, looking at the floor, unable to stop the tears now wetting his cheeks. Athrun sighed, and turned away, looking to the ceiling. Ms. Amalfi, for her part, was staring, wide eyed in shock, at dead space.

"My...my son...you killed my son..." she whispered, but her voice was raw.

"...I'm so sorry" Kira replied, voice cracking "I could offer you a thousand excuses, but...but I can't. Nothing can excuse what I've done...now you know why I was going to stay in the car."

No reply. Athrun came over to stand by Kira and, leaning in close, he hissed; "What the hell did you do that for? I can't believe you just—"

"I had to." Was all Kira said in response. Athrun wheeled away in frustration.

"Ms. Amalfi. If you'd like us to leave, I'd understand." He said, trying to come to terms with the storm of conflicting emotion that he himself was going through. There was anger at Kira, both for the confession and, still lingering, for the act to which he'd confessed. There was pity for Ms. Amalfi, shock at the turn of events, and sympathy, too, for Kira. As the seconds passed, he found himself becoming more understanding of his motives for wanting to tell her. Had he been in Kira's shoes, he might well have done the same.

Ms Amalfi remained quiet, whether still trying to contemplate the revelation, or trying to measure a response, they could not be sure. "You killed my Nicol." She said, finally, "and you've come here...why? You're looking for my forgiveness?"

"I—" Kira began, but Athrun cut across him.

"He's not looking for forgiveness. He'd planned to stay in the car. This was never meant to happen; he's here now because he asked to take me to do what iI/i felt I needed to do; to help...because he's a good person, Ms. Amalfi – Romina..." A pause as he gathered his breath. Kira was looking at him, Ms. Amalfi was now looking at him, and from her expression, he knew he had to say more. "He killed Nicol, and for that, I tried to kill him. We weren't lying when we said we spent time together in the war; we fought. We fought each other many times. We weren't lying, either, when we said we went back a long way; Kira has been my friend since childhood. I tried to kill him in the heat of the moment because all I understood was that Nicol was gone, and it was his fault. It took me time, and help, to realise – and I don't blame you if it takes you even longer – that, given a choice, things would have turned out differently. In another life he, and your son – my friend – could have been... they're so alike. War makes us do things that...that..." and there he stopped, unable to continue.

iThe wind changed; the clouds began to piece progressed.../i

The beach was bathed in rich colour; the water reflecting the amber light of the sky, and of the setting sun burning on the horizon. They were standing close now – so close – to the site of the climax of their conflict. It was still possible to make out areas of scorched earth in the woodland behind them, or to find shards of metal. Harder, though, to make out the machine that had shed them, for it could have been any. The Blitz; destroyed by Kira as it had intervened to help Athrun. Nicol had died, here. The core fighter; in which Tolle had met his end by Athrun's hand. The Aegis which Athrun, blinded by his own grief and rage, had thrown at Kira in a desperate attempt to avenge his fallen friend. He had risked his own life to try and take another; triggering the self-destruct mechanism before jumping clear. The Strike, inside which Kira was trapped by the arms of his adversary; time falling still as the lengths Athrun would go to became clear to him. He didn't know how he had escaped the blast and lived. For what seemed like an eternity, Athrun believed he hadn't, and it had come to tear him apart.

Now, here they were again. No guns, no swords, no mobile suits, no explosions; just the sound of the waves lapping against the shore, and the distant call of birds as they returned to nest. The light of the setting sun burning in their eyes as stood, looking out over the ocean.

"So... is this it? Do we finally start over again?" Athrun asked, finally.

"...No"

"No..."

"No, and I woudn't want to."

"Kira?"

Athrun turned to face his friend, surprised at this answer. How could he not want to start again? Kira, of course, had the answer. "Redemption isn't about wiping the slate clean. Starting again is...that's not right. To start again is to ignore what brought us here in the first place. Redemption is coming to terms with the wrongs we've committed... coming to terms with the wrongs I've committed, and..." he broke off, turning to meet Athrun's eyes with the sheen of tears in his own.

"Kira..."

"I'm not asking your forgiveness, Athrun. Forgiveness would be doing Nicol a disservice... I'm...I'm just...no, I'm not asking anything. It's not my place to ask." He frowned, cursing himself, and looked away.

"Then why are you standing here, now?"

Why was he? "...I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I...no."

"I'm not sure I know how to react" it was Athrun's turn to look away, a look of disbelief on his face. "I...you ialways/i know what you're doing. You ialways/i have a direction. But now, you're standing here, and you're telling me you don't know."

"I'm sorry, Athrun..." Kira looked at the floor.

"You're sorry?" Athrun brought his gaze back to bear on the boy standing before him. Kira, not meeting him, imagined anger in his eyes but when he continued speaking, his voice was soft. "I've never been sure of my motives. I've always doubted my direction. You asked me once why I fought with ZAFT? I fought with ZAFT because I hoped that, being given orders, I'd not have to justify my actions to myself. It didn't really work. Action without justification is just...I can't do it, Kira. I met Nicol; young, talented, peaceful...and he was a soldier. Why? Why is it that people like him can be sucked into the mess created by others? And you..." he took a breath, trying to steady his voice, for there were all manner of things fighting to get out.

"Athrun..."

"You, too. I thought I knew you so well, and then you turn up in the cockpit of the mobile suit I'd been tasked to take. Defending the ship I'd been tasked with destroying. You...you were just like Nicol!" now his voice was raised "And Nicol was just like you! Or at least, that's what I thought. In a way I was right, but then, you took that damned third path that you ialways/i seem to find. Nicol was the innocent kid doing what he was told, and he died for it. I suppose that's how I always pictured you, but then...then you killed him. You killed Nicol, and you weren't innocent anymore...and then I tried to kill you, and what did that make me?"

"I...don't know."

"Exactly. And while Cagalli was showing me that, actually, the one thing we could know was that everything that had happened had been wrong, and that there was value in knowing wrong, you were up in the PLANTs...philosophising! The funny thing is you, with your damned newfound conscience, took what Cagalli was saying, and somehow managed to make a whole ideology out of it. And there, again, was you, and your direction."

Kira looked up, finally, and found Athrun almost - ialmost/i - smiling. Kira couldn't help but crack a somewhat sheepish grin in return "...Lacus does have that effect on people."

"Well now it's my turn." Athrun continued, with an air of resolve that took both by surprise. "You provided me with the closest thing to an answer I could hope for, back then. Now, I'll try and do the same for you."

"How?"

Athrun frowned; "You don't know why you're standing here? Well, it iis/i about forgiveness. Whether you know it or not, you're asking for forgiveness."

"Athrun, I wouldn't ask..." but he was waved away.

"I know you wouldn't ask, but that is your answer. I don't know if you want it from me, or from yourself, or from some higher power, but it iis/i what you're looking for."

"But you shouldn't just forgive, Athrun. Like I said, redemption, not forgiveness. Maybe I'm after redemption, maybe that is my motive for doing this—"

"Or perhaps it's guilt?" Athrun fired back, and this made Kira check himself, just for a second, before answering.

"Guilt? Well...yeah. Hence redemption. But how has this suddenly become all about me? Regardless of what my subconscious drive may or may not be, I've tried to do what I can to help you pay your respects to Nicol. I...I care..."

"I know...and thanks" Athrun's gaze softened again, "but I've done what I needed to do. I'll never forget him, and I'll never forget what happened, but I think I've found closure, or whatever it was I was looking for, as far as Nicol is concerned." Silence followed, briefly, as Athrun considered how to continue. "You mentioned coming to terms with the wrongs you've done; coming to terms with the guilt, and how it isn't about making a fresh start. I agree with you. I'll never inot/i feel guilty at not being able to save Nicol. I'll never be free of that...ache...but for once, I think I've managed to come to terms with it."

"I'm happy for you, but..."

"But now it's you and me." Athrun interrupted, "You want my forgiveness? You've already said that you don't think me simply saying the words would be enough for you."

"I don't wa-"

"Well, you don't have it."

Again, silence. Kira was a little shocked at quite how forthright that had been. "I...Athrun..."

"You don't have my forgiveness" Athrun continued, again motioning for Kira to be quiet, and let him do the talking; "because you don't need my forgiveness. I don't really think you need redemption; all you need is to reconcile with yourself the fact that, actually, this isn't about other people, and what they think or feel. This is about you, Kira. I admire your moral compass, but you've never, iever/i been good at dealing with iyourself/i. To be honest, I admire that, too, but here and now, that is your problem. I doubt my motives, and the consequences of the actions they lead to. You're fine with that, but when things go wrong, you have to blame yourself, and you blame yourself for what you think you've made others feel."

"But it is my fault." Kira insisted, and found himself welling up again. He was still not comfortable being the focus of the conversation, particularly here, but then...perhaps, as Athrun had said, that was part of the problem.

"Perhaps it was. I will never forget what you did, but what you don't seem to understand is that iI understand/i what you did, more clearly than I did at the time. At the time all I understood was that my friend had been taken from me, but now..."

Kira thought about objecting again, but then... "I think...I think I see."

"I hope you see." Athrun replied, "This is probably the only time when I think I've been clear on something that you've had trouble with. No matter what has come between us in the past, and what will always come between us now – as you said, it's not about wiping the slate clean – redemption is coming to terms with all of that, and forging a life afterwards. I'll need your help with that, because now I've done all that I planned to do, it won't take me long to feel lost again."

"...and if we can manage that..." Kira continued, feeling the lift from his shoulders as though it had been a physical burden; and finally back on track.

"...We've won this battle." Athrun concluded.

Again, silence; but finally, solace in the silence, as the two looked back out over the ocean, to the last rays of the setting sun. This was but one page, in one chapter. Many more would come; there was no doubt about that, and when Athrun said, quietly; "I'm still going to need to look for answers, Kira", both realised – if they hadn't already – that this would not last forever. But for now, at the turning of the page, they could briefly be at peace.

"Well...I hope we'll find them."...

i_in the clearing, beneath the sun, the melody finally ceased. The boy smiled to himself at its completion; the clouds had come and gone and now, night was setting in. _

"_That was beautiful" came a voice from behind him; warm, gentle hands on his shoulders. He breathed a gentle sigh, stretched, and yawned. It must've been later than he realised. "what was it called?"_

_He had to think, for a moment. So much thought had gone into creating the piece, and yet he had spent little time contemplating a title. It should, he thought, reflect what the piece meant to him. What to call it... "I think..." he began, pausing to think it over once more before continuing; "I'm not sure...Redemption, or the Theme of Friendship?"_

"_Hmm...that's nice" replied the voice, soft._

"_Huh? No, I was asking which..."_

"_Well, I say both."_

"_Redemption, or the Theme of Friendship...actually, I do quite like that." Nicol smiled. He took up the pen, and the music score, and began to write. Finally, once completed, he placed both down, leaned back, and yawned again._

"_Done for the day?"_

"_I think so."_

_With a contented smile, Nicol closed the lid of the piano. He would sit there for a moment more, dreaming, before finally picking himself up, and walking away. The sun set over the piano in the clearing, until a new day._

_uthe end/u_


End file.
